Hello Spiritual Warriors! And welcome to another week of Life Tools where we explore overcoming regret.
Regret, grief, shame, guilt or sadness … we all have these feelings at some point in our life. For some, they last longer, plaguing our hearts and minds with “what could or should have been.” Maybe we broke a promise, made a bad or non-nourishing choice, lied or cheated, betrayed a partner or friend. Maybe we said something that was mean, or we didn’t speaking up when we should have.
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The list of universal transgressions that we all share is limitless. The resentment we may have for another person can turn us outwardly bitter – and the anger we hold in our own heart – for ourselves – can inwardly damage us even more as it festers and overwhelms us. We can be the hardest on ourselves. These toxic, destructive emotions only lead to cynicism, reactivity, and depression.
Overcoming regret is not easy, but it is possible!! The process of healing will begin the second we give ourselves permission to forgive. Some of our wounds may still be raw years after the transgressions took place, and they will only burrow deeper into our mind, heart, and ultimately our body if we don’t do something to take us beyond them.
When we forgive, we free ourselves from the ties that bind us to the one that hurt us. And this might just be the opportunity to forgive yourself. There are a few easy steps to begin the process.
- Make a list of the life-lessons you’ve learned from the experience that is causing your regret.
- Ask yourself, “Knowing what I now know, would I have acted differently?” “If confronted with the exact same circumstance, would I make a more conscious choice?” If the answer is that you would now choose more wisely… with greater understanding of the consequences, then you have made a powerful breakthrough.
Saying to yourself, “I am a bad person” — is toxic and disempowering. It’s devolutionary. The fact that you would now choose differently means you are NOT a bad person – but someone who chose poorly in a given moment – just as we all have. - Give yourself permission to acknowledge your less conscious choice AND make a personal commitment to making more conscious ones going forward.
Imagine yourself behaving in a wiser and more thoughtful way. Define yourself as someone who makes more thoughtful choices. And take a step to transmute the hurt you’ve caused – make amends, tell someone else about your shift, write it down, make a donation to a cause that serves someone else, and have compassion on yourself.
This will begin the process of forgiving your tender heart. Keep moving forward in the direction of your healing. Keep making amends. Keep redefining yourself. Every day wake up and forgive yourself just a little bit more. Start to live the transformation. And as the days flow on, you will begin to breathe a little bit easier. Remember to meditate every day. This will help your journey of evolution to your best version.
Self-forgiveness is an ongoing process, not an overnight solution. Be gentle with yourself and remember your humanity… your self-compassion. And most importantly, remember that we are all one! Aham brahmasmi baby! I AM the universe. In the meantime, I’ll see you in the gap!
Peace. –davidji