davidji's Blog

davidji's Blog

Recovering from a Setback

Welcome to this week’s edition of the Source! Let’s dive deep into recovering from a setback.

Right after we experience a setback, the first thought that pops into our head is “NO!” And the second thought that usually follows is, “If I could just turn back the clock… if I could go back in time to the moment before this happened.”

Time travel has not yet been perfected but the concept of recovering through rejuvenation is real!

Rejuvenation comes from a combination of Latin words: re– to do it again; juvenis –young; and the suffix -ate – which means the equivalent of… essentially to make young again.

In today’s world, when we speak of rejuvenation, we are usually referring to the repair of the damage of a lifetime of physical and emotional aging and the replacement of damaged tissues. But when we experience a setback, it is our emotional state, our stability, our resilience, our strength and our ability to rise again after being knocked down, that requires repair.

A setback challenges every aspect of our being – the physical, the emotional, the psychological, the spiritual, the entire journey of our life that’s taken us through all the different highs, lows, mountains, valleys, abysses, peaks, and winding roads of our life. And in that moment, we may believe that there is no way back to how things were before the experience turned our life upside down.

But there is a way back! A way back to clarity, to peace, to emotional freedom, and to that moment of truly believing that the best is yet to come. Here’s what recovering requires:

  • Surrender,
  • Patience,
  • Self-forgiveness,
  • Trust, and
  • Courage.

This week, we’ll address the first step in recovering: Surrender. We need to move beyond our denial and our resistance – and accept that this is what has happened and this is where we are. We must pick up the foot that is planted firmly in the past and let go of our clinging to the way we believed things would be. This is the most difficult when we’ve just experienced a loss – especially the loss of a dear soul in our life. The process of making peace with the loss may take months or even years as each of the physical threads that connected us to that BEing slowly unravel.

Time is the only healer, and what you do each day to honor that BEing determines the speed of your healing. Celebrating the life that is no longer, celebrating the love that once was, and celebrating the eternal aspects of the connection that can never be eroded over time.

Losing anything else suddenly seems petty compared to the loss of life; yet losing anything we once cherished – a moment… a friendship… financial security… our hair… or a piece of our material world… still carries with it the initial grief and the pain of the consequences of the moment. The pain of our loss is equal to the depth of our love for the thing that is no longer.

And, it is in that moment where our physical body experiences its vulnerability – a state of hyper-sensitivity – in which our throat, our heart, our belly, cry out in agony. And, whether we utter a sound or not, we truly feel the wrenching depth of our emotion like a knife digging into us.

The tenderness of our heart receives the experience and our mind responds in-kind. It’s racing with every past and potential possibility. Waves of fear and sadness ripple through every fiber of our being. The rawness of the moment rushes over us in saddening waves of hopelessness, guilt, disappointment, emptiness and blame. Our valiant attempts at instant reframing sputter in futility and then vanish as they meet with resistance imposed by the new reality. And, our grief slowly builds over time as if each day, we placed one boulder after another onto our chest.

Everything in existence goes through a cycle. We are most familiar with the cycle of birth, living and death. But, your grief has a cycle also. And, the depth of your pain is not fathomless – it will have a bottom. It will have a beginning and an end. Right now, it may appear a thousand miles long but it’s really only a few inches. Ultimately, you will get to the other side.

So, while you are in the abyss of pain, your best tools are self-kindness (be gentle with yourself!), self-love (recognizing you are divine), self-forgiveness (acknowledging you deserve another chance), and self-compassion (rooting for your suffering to end).

The path back to wholeness requires that you treat yourself lovingly. That you are patient – allowing the world to unfold before you as you gently unfold back into it. We have a tendency to either curl up in withdrawal or to immediately leap back in not honoring our tender feelings deep within. But, in order to soar again, we have to take some time to rejuvenate, dust our self off, and then take the next step back to our wholeness.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet. Here are six ways for you to begin the rejuvenation process:

  1. Meditate. Connect to your stillpoint; find comfort in your Stillness
  2. Spend time in nature. Soak in the world around you and you will awaken the Universe resting within in.
  3. Pamper yourself.  Be kind to yourself, take a bath, have a massage, get a special mani-pedi, eat some comfort food, forgive yourself for one thing you’ve been regretting, choose yourself and make a note of it when you do.
  4. Spend time in the present moment. Watch clouds, listen to music, garden, cook, run, work out.
  5. Express yourself with passion. Write in a journal, blog, make a video, cook a fabulous meal, sing, draw, exercise, create, paint or dance.
  6. Make a gratitude list. Every day write down all the things for which you are grateful.

Follow these six easy rejuvenation steps for the next week, and write your comments below to share your journey back to wholeness. Every day will get a little easier.

In the meantime, I’ll see you in the gap!

Peace. -davidji

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