Hello Spiritual Warriors! & welcome to another week of The Source – where we dive deep into timeless wisdom & integrate it into our real world, modern day lives!
This week we explore Meeting our Needs. It’s a powerful category that we explore & learn to transcend in destressifying. I’m traveling the world right now on my “destressifying” book tour & if the teachings of destressifying move you, you can support me by sharing this email or this link with a friend.
If you haven’t yet ordered your copy, I suggest you check it out HERE & begin to integrate these life-affirming practices into your daily flow – but while your waiting for your book to arrive, let’s explore a huge stressor in your life & a key area of suffering on the planet – acceptance.
When it comes to acceptance… Einstein & Shakespeare were on the same page! Our natural inclination is to feel accepted. Why not? Aren’t we all part of one big global posse? Don’t we all feel the same things and live the same challenges and triumphs? Or to quote Shakespeare in the Merchant of Venice, “If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?”
Even if we are thinner, fatter, lighter, heavier, older, younger, quieter, louder, more gentle, more abrasive, more violent, more peaceful, vengeful, forgiving, dark, light, familiar or unconventional… aren’t we all just a singular reflection of the totality of humanity?
Albert Einstein summed up the challenge of this category of needs when he wrote, “A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
What’s Your Trigger?
So when we don’t receive the attention, affection, appreciation or acceptance that is our birthright…we feel shame, anger, jealousy, schadenfreude, even vengeance. All of these trigger stress responses that will prevail as long as the unmet need prevails. That’s putting a lot of power in the hands of others – depending on them to validate us. This is why the core need in the category of social needs is self-acceptance, rather than relying on someone else to “approve” you.
Yes. Acceptance starts with you! Are you accepting of how you act, speak, and show up? Are you accepting of all you’ve done in your life or only the “good” things? Do you hold yourself to a higher standard regarding acceptance? Do you expect others to accept you for who you are – or are you wearing a mask in certain situations that makes you more acceptable? We all do this…showing our best side to those we are trying to impress – hoping they will accept us.
Biting Your Tongue? Or Shouting from the Mountain Top?
An under-the-radar social need is that of being heard. Some of us walk on egg-shells; others are waiting for the right time (some of us are still waiting!); some of us are listened to but don’t feel heard; some of us wont shut up. Others express themselves through their hair, make-up, clothes, and demeanor. And others do it in professional ways – wanting you to hear.. see… feel… agree with what they are all about.
Expressing ourselves physically, emotionally, verbally and intimately are very important needs that require a receptive listener, receiver or audience. Each of us desperately needs to be heard in some way. Many of us really feel the need to compel, convince, persuade or convert others. It’s in our DNA – it completes our sense of self-worth – and better defines the relationship we have with another person. Internally, we see it as a win – and chemically we are rewarded with ripples of feel good hormones.
When It Comes to Our Needs All the World is a Stage
But not everyone needs a win. Some of us fulfill our social need of expression simply by putting ourselves out there to be observed, “heard,” by releasing what has become bottled up inside. We want someone to know how we feel or what something means to us. We want people to see the “real” us at our best. We want someone to understand us, know us, and connect with us on our own terms.
Sometimes we simply need to share, release, vent, commune – even regurgitate – whatever is resting inside. But it doesn’t always need to be a purging of toxicity. We can share and express ourselves with love, creativity, and nourishment – in the form of encouragement, intimate encounters, and works of art. All are forms of letting your voice be heard. We all have the need to purr and roar – choosing your moment makes all the difference; but holding back what needs to come out can lead to extreme chronic stress that gets reinforced over a lifetime. Speak and your life will change forever!
How do I Meet My Need of Acceptance?
How do you treat yourself? How’s your sense of worthiness? Are you arrogant, condescending and mean to yourself? Or, loving, forgiving, nurturing, and compassionate?
As you expand the circle beyond yourself, ask, “Who’s in my front row?” – essentially, who are your die-hard supporters, your cheerleaders, and your champions? Those are the relationships you should be paying attention to. When you stumble or fall down, who is rooting for you to get back up? Who is not rooting for you? Are there people in your front row who don’t belong there? (those not rooting for you?) Are they just taking up space in your head…in your life… blocking new champions from taking their seats in the front row?
Keep widening the circle until you’ve included everyone you can think of in your life. Now… rather than put any attention on those who are not accepting you, place ALL of your attention on those in your front row… those rooting for you to get up when you stumble. If you commit for one whole week on showering those in your front row with attention, affection, & appreciation, you will truly feel life-affirming acceptance surging into you. From that space of unconditional communing, your life will effortlessly expand… your stress will dissipate… your heart will fill with love & happiness. And the beauty of this practice will take you to places you never imagined!!
Just for one week, place all of it on your front row – when you find yourself thinking about someone in your front row – worrying whether they accept you… STOP… and reach out to someone in your front row. Even if just to tell them you love them!!! Send me an email with your results at firstname.lastname@example.org
Help me share the love! Remember the power of your ripple! If the teachings of destressifying move you, heal you, or help you, please share this post with a friend.